When I received the note below from Amanda asking about new love, divorce, and children, I couldn't think of a better expert to call upon than Dr.
Mark Banschick, a fellow blogger on Psychology Today. Banschick is a child psychiatrist an author of the series, The Intelligent Divorce.
First, imagine the absolute worst case scenario: You haven’t showered in days, your clothes are wrinkled and smelly, your hair is a mess, and you happen to run into your ex on a date with the most gorgeous girl you’ve ever seen. It may even reignite those familiar feelings of love, lust, or just plain loneliness. Follow the Six-Month Rule After a breakup, the best rule of thumb is to avoid all contact with your ex for at least six months.
In fact, they’re engaged, as evidenced by the huge shiny rock on her left hand. Think about what you can do in six months—train for a marathon, plan and take a well-deserved vacation, buy property, change jobs, heal and move on.
When you begin dating, your ex wants to make certain that anyone who has contact with the children you and he share is a safe person for the kids.
Keep your self-respect and tame that wish to bite off their head!
But if you split up on relatively good terms, or indeed even if you didn’t but you do not want to ‘sink to his level’, perhaps telling your ex that you’re dating again is the best plan.
Assuming you are not keen for your kids to have a succession of new ‘uncles’ or ‘aunties’, it is unlikely that you will want your children to know about your new partner until you’re pretty sure yourself.
I want to be the one to bring it up, before I introduce this person to my daughter.
I'm not looking for approval from my ex, but I feel like he has a right to know what's happening in his child's life.